she don’t think straight

on monday i found myself walking down Robson street in Vancouver after leaving a rooftop patio where i was celebrating a friends birthday.

as i walked “Banquet” by Bloc Party came streaming though my headphones.

my feet bounced to the beat and soon i was at the corner of Burrard/Robson where HMV used to be.

now stands a giant Victoria Secret billboard advertising the coming attractions.

i had a flash to 2005 when i first moved to Vancouver and was sleeping on a partially inflated air mattress in a shared studio apartment in the West End.

almost to the week – eight years ago – i remember cobbling together what little cash i had in my bank account (i was jobless at the time) and walking down the hill to HMV and buying Silent Alarm.

i came home and put it in my disc man, which was broken and held together by elastic.

i was hooked before the end of the first minute on the first track. before Kele sings, “It’s so cold in this house…” i knew this record would change my life. and it did.

this album also holds special meaning for me as it was one i discovered on my own.

i realize that sounds silly, but lately i’ve been trying to think back to a time where my life wasn’t involved with romantic entanglements. when it was just me and i did things for myself. discovered things on my own and gave no fucks. i always go back to this summer and this album when i think of a ‘carefree’ time. i realize part of this is nostalgia, but part is not.

i never used to let other people’s drama become my own. i want that part of myself back.

i hope it’s still there.

the whole thing really is removed when you’re twenty two.