this is our time

Having a musical weekend. 

Johnny Cash. David Bowie. Best Of lists from this past year.

Forgot how much it heals. A welcome reminder. 

When I started photography, I lost my musical drive. 

Now I’m learning to fit in both.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

sun. or lack thereof.

two straight months of rain does something to your psyche. 
one turns insular. i just want to caccoon and be woken by cherry blossoms. not slip and slide on dead leaves. 

even my cactus died. 

i suppose a temperate rainforest is not the place for such a prickly beast, which was a gift from one of my students. i didn’t have the heart to tell her i kill such things.

even the air plant.

alas, when the sun does emerge we do rejoice. even if only momentarily. 

forever temporary. this life.


Filed under Uncategorized

hello again

To the girls we were in our past lives.

To our egos in the alternate reality.

And the the ones here, on earth, who keep my secrets.


Filed under Uncategorized, writing



growing up my brother had a stuffed Care Bear called Brave Heart. he took it with him everywhere. in fact, i would wagger a guess it’s still with him even today.

or at least propped up on his childhood bed at my parents house.

i’ve been thinking about the term “lionheart” lately. namely because the radio keeps playing Of Monsters and Men and i can’t get the lyrics “You’re the King and I’m a lionheart” out of my head.

i’ve been trying to conjure up all the courage i can muster these days, and failing miserably. my reserves have been depleted. outwardly i can fake it for others, but inside i’ve been feeling paralyzed. as though any decision i make — even if it is the right one — will be wrong.

it’s exhausting being alone through it all too.

perhaps i need to dig out my own Brave Heart from the back of my closet (her name was Rainbow, a small stuffed bear with suspenders) and remind myself of a simpler time when i felt fearless. if only for nostalgia sake.

1 Comment

Filed under honeybees, writing

at her post


Goodnight, Sam.

You brought out the best in us.

1999 – 2013


Filed under home, honeybees

she don’t think straight

on monday i found myself walking down Robson street in Vancouver after leaving a rooftop patio where i was celebrating a friends birthday.

as i walked “Banquet” by Bloc Party came streaming though my headphones.

my feet bounced to the beat and soon i was at the corner of Burrard/Robson where HMV used to be.

now stands a giant Victoria Secret billboard advertising the coming attractions.

i had a flash to 2005 when i first moved to Vancouver and was sleeping on a partially inflated air mattress in a shared studio apartment in the West End.

almost to the week – eight years ago – i remember cobbling together what little cash i had in my bank account (i was jobless at the time) and walking down the hill to HMV and buying Silent Alarm.

i came home and put it in my disc man, which was broken and held together by elastic.

i was hooked before the end of the first minute on the first track. before Kele sings, “It’s so cold in this house…” i knew this record would change my life. and it did.

this album also holds special meaning for me as it was one i discovered on my own.

i realize that sounds silly, but lately i’ve been trying to think back to a time where my life wasn’t involved with romantic entanglements. when it was just me and i did things for myself. discovered things on my own and gave no fucks. i always go back to this summer and this album when i think of a ‘carefree’ time. i realize part of this is nostalgia, but part is not.

i never used to let other people’s drama become my own. i want that part of myself back.

i hope it’s still there.

the whole thing really is removed when you’re twenty two.


Filed under flaming lips lyrics, music, stuff and things

everything i love is on the table. everything i love is out to sea.

I’ve been composing posts in my head all week.

So much is weighing on me these days but I find myself paralyzed to write anything down.

In (un)related news, The National sad bastard music has turned to upbeat for me.



Filed under new music, stuff and things