my cheeks are flush under the duvet when i wake up in the morning.
i fell asleep after midnight still in my scrubs, wrapped in my blankets. i recall waking up at my usual 2.30am with my arm stuck in my bedtime book, but the light was off. odd considering my positioning. perhaps i was dream arm flailing again. i remember closing the book, twisting around again and embracing the cool side of the pillow. still not with enough energy to change out of my pants, and into shorts. mistake, i think to myself as i touch my cheek. my necklace is flung around backwards and as i go about fixing it i recall an encounter i had at the shops on saturday.
i was waiting silently in line to purchase a few stocking stuffers and the man in front of me held two long, shiny necklaces in his hands. he had a pained expression on his face, and kept shooting sideways glances at me. this went on for a few minutes before he finally spoke up and asked me what i was hoping he wouldn’t. ‘would you wear these? like out out? i’m buying them for my wife and i’m just not sure.’ i smile politely and tell him i am probably that last person to give advice on pearl necklaces. he looks at my bare hands and then rests his eyes on my pendant. i see it catch the light and reflect off his glasses. he looks back to the necklaces again. i see his next question forming in his mind before he asks it. ‘did you pick out that pendant yourself?’ i pause and toy briefly with the idea of telling him the truth, but he looks far too worried over this purchase, i feel a little hope might be needed. i lie and tell him, no, i didn’t, it was a gift. (truth: it was a gift, but i picked it out). he smiles and nods. back to the necklaces his eyes go.
i then ask about the weight of the necklaces. he looks at me puzzled. i say i can’t really offer opinions on the style, as it’s too subjective, but if the weight of the necklace is too much, it would probably prevent me from buying it. no one wants a heavy necklace on while dancing, right. he seems happy with that answer. deduces the necklaces are light enough, just as the teller calls him up to pay.
i move up in line. then i start to feel like i shouldn’t have given this guy false hope. i realize this will probably cause me to stew for the rest of the day. i’ll probably even go back home and have to write about it. i wish i was able to just let things roll off my back and be done with them. it would make just about every aspect of my life so much easier. i really envy those types of people. they are probably the type of people who wear pearl necklaces and v-neck argyle sweaters and they probably never accidentally pour water in their cereal or burn popcorn either. they are probably even able to sleep through the night too. they are not what my parents used to call me, a sensitive child. i’m just never going to be one of those people.
the teller calls me up. i look over to the man again and he’s signing his receipt. i pass over my items to the cashier and he starts scanning them though. as the man gives back the pen to the teller i lean over and interject with two words.
i feel better.
i’ll probably still go home and write this down. probably in the middle of the night after i have made the bad choice of drinking juice before bed and therefore all the sugar will have me wired. or in the morning when i’m procrastinating from starting the day.