naive melody

I keep leaving the people I love.

Or strongly like.

Sometimes they leave me, but usually its the former.

Its the curse of the nomad, and it keeps getting harder. You’d think it would get easier. Although I guess that wouldn’t make it a curse. Right.

Even now, having moved here just two months ago, I’m contemplating my next move. Building my career. No one ever warns you its going to be so painstakingly hard. They don’t put that in the brochures. Not even in the fine print. There are times like tonight when I wish I had picked the easier route. Gone to the city everyone else did and made my life there. Been closer to my family and friends….my dog. Yet I know that’s not me. I know.

Still, it makes for a lonely life sometimes. Everyone I love spread across the globe. Technology makes it easier, mind you.

As I left the airport tonight, having dropped off The Boy (this goodbye easier than the last) I was pondering the recent goodbyes I’ve had and the one that sticks out in my mind the most is when I left Newcastle.

It was a gorgeous August evening. I had gone out for a drink at my favourite pub with a good friend. I was trying to commit everything to memory that night. The sound my boots made on the cobblestones, the smell of the fry truck at Monument, the Batman graffiti under the bridge, even the sound of the sirens. Afterward we stood on the stoop of my flat, trying hard to hold back tears and well, that just wasn’t working. The floodgates opened and I’ll never forget the feeling of my heart breaking. When you hear the words ‘heart break’ your mind kind of automatically goes to thinking about something romantical, but no, there are many breaks without romantics involved, and this was one of them. It was a combination of saying goodbye to a friend, but also to the city I had grown to love so dearly. Yes, I left my heart in the North. After I waved my friend, I went back inside to get my bags. My phone lit up with a text – “I’ll miss you most of all.”

In this day an age, texts, emails, etc are in such abundance we take them granted and sometimes they loose meaning because of this. That one, I will never forget though, as silly as it might sound. It’s like a letter, I’d slip in my top drawer. A reminder, in case I forget…

It’s never goodbye, but I’ll see you soon.

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10 Comments

Filed under friends, home, memory, nomad diaries, ocean of noise

10 responses to “naive melody

  1. I’ve been there. I’ve stood in strange airports with a suitcase, flightbag and two hundred dollars in my pocket, not even sure if I had the job, wondering what would become of the relationship I left behind, 21, scared. And that was waaaay before cells, texting and the internet. ;-(

    I’ve also been attached to places. Your experience may differ from mine because here the people moved on, the places changed almost to the point of not being recognizable. Maybe that made it easier, I’m not sure- they became places of the mind more than actual locations.

  2. I’m not sure I could do this without a little technology to help me along. I can only imagine how hard that would have been for you. Although technology is double edged sword because its also a distraction. ;)

    “Places of the mind” I like that phrase. I know what you mean, and I think that is going to be my experience when I move back to Vancouver. The people will have moved on, although the city still recognizable (I hope).

  3. Such a poignant post, and as always, so well said.

    You probably had no inkling, when you first struck out for Newcastle, that it would stay in your heart so. It’s the ones we least expect to love that hit us the hardest when they do sneak into our hearts.

  4. Thank-you. :) No, I really had no idea I would fall for Newcastle, not in my wildest dreams. I cannot wait to go back. Its true – its the ones we least expect that grab onto the heartstrings.

  5. You leave but you take part of it or them with you and it stays forever.

  6. This is true. Something I keep having to remember. :)

  7. It’s hard having all of the people closest to you the furthest away. I am still figuring out how to be OK with it and to make it work. Like you said, the internet and phones work wonders – but there’s nothing like walking down the street and meeting for a cuppa joe. :P

  8. Its hard, and way more time consuming then just a face to face. But it makes the actual catch ups all the more special. :)

  9. Liz

    I read this a few days ago in my reader but was too rushed to comment. First off, Allison, you are such a lovely writer – my favorite variety, the ruminative, self-deprecating sort who knows how to select the perfect adjective for her sentence. Secondly, there’s a lot of “Left and Leavings” in life (I suddenly want to listen to Sarah Harmer’s cover of that), but they always help to put things into perspective and drive you toward what matters most in your life. Finally, I love it: “The Boy.” I’m glad this last goodbye was easier.

    Have a great weekend!

  10. Thank-you Liz. :) I had a hankering to listen to Sarah Harmer’s Basement Apartment when writing this, as it is was written about the town I went to university in, and it reminds me of these ‘left and leavings’ as you so rightly put.

    I can’t recall where The Boy first came from, but it just stuck within my group of friends.

    Hope you have a good weekend, too!

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