blackberries

Dear Reader (can you tell I’ve been reading too much Stephen King?),

I find myself hovering over the type recently.

It always takes me awhile to adjust to change, and this is the first time ever I’ve stepped away from writing about it. This blog has been a get outlet for me, especially during the past few years. Take a look through the archives if you don’t believe me. Perhaps as we grow older its more about inward reflection, or perhaps I just don’t want to type it out, because that makes it real. And if its real, there’s a chance I’ll get hurt.

Often times I write the most when I’m woebegone. Its hard to make good art when you’re happy, don’t you think? Not that this is art, its blogging, but generally speaking. I’m working on this painting at the moment, and it’s the first time that I can remember where I’m not painting with someone in mind, or painting to get out a bad feeling. Its almost as though I am moving backwards, to move forward. Painting a version of a still life to get back to the root. The first thing I ever remember drawing in art school was a pot, with vegetables. Actual fruit must have been to expensive, I guess. So it feels a bit awkward, and yet liberating to get back to this place of just being.

I have not been sad for quite some time now, and its an odd feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also a very happy person (outwardly) but there was a time when the sheets were used as tissues, more often then I’d like to admit. Its funny because I’m very positive person, for others, yet when the table is turned to me, I’m a complete pessimist. I think we’re all a bit like that. But why? Is it because we don’t want to let ourselves be happy? Don’t think we deserve it? I’m not sure. But I am happy and things are good. Yes, things are good…and I’m happy. There said it. Fact.

So, this is me writing from a different state, and I apologize if its awkward and not as sharp as I’ve been in the past, but I’m trying. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go listen to the new Doves records and cut out paper wings for these owls I’m painting. Retro owls, if your wondering.


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7 Comments

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7 responses to “blackberries

  1. It’s good to be happy. When I find myself in that state I always try to bottle-up as much joy as I can for the next rainy day…

  2. Good idea. I’m going to try just that. :)

  3. serah

    This may be different that the things your feeling…I can understand feeling kind of jumbled.
    I am pretty sure that I’m a mess right now ;)
    I’m happy, akward and terrified all at the same time…lovejunksic.
    We promised slow, easy and safe.
    I’m not safe any more.
    I feel so vulnerable – how many hours of email and chat do I need?
    I’m exhausted.

  4. Allison

    In some ways I think technology has ruined us. All these constant updates, chats, and email. It is exhausting, and kind of makes one a bit insecure. Yet we still crave it. Strange, us humans.

    I am glad things are going well now though. Owe you an email. :)

  5. No apologies necessary
    I don’t think that’s awkward, I think it’s an elegant evocation of the human condition.

    As for art, if everyone had art we would need so many psychiatrists, psychologists and SSRI drugs. My most productive artistic moments are usual during times of great turmoil. My painting never reflect the turmoil, but they are of it.

  6. I don’t think you need to be unhappy to be creative, but maybe it’s just because I am not all that creative, truth be told.

  7. GT: “My painting never reflect the turmoil, but they are of it.”

    So true. I never thought of it that way. :)

    Barb: I don’t think you need to be, but I find some of the greatest art comes in the darker periods. I think GT’s quote above says it all.

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