So much is weighing on me these days but I find myself paralyzed to write anything down.

He took these photos of me last weekend, while we hiked in the silent forest.

At first I hated myself in them, but they are growing on me.

In (un)related news, The National sad bastard music has turned to upbeat for me.

I knew it was the start of strep throat. Everything felt swollen and I had no other cold symtoms besides a fever. Also my ear was sore, but that’s normal.

I called in sick and then passed out again in my bed until about 3pm.

While lying in bed I scrolled through some music news and found out that The National had done a BBC 6 music interview and played some new songs.

I turned up the volume on my phone and set it next to my pillow and closed my eyes and let the music wash over me.

Pure bliss.

Honestly, (good) music heals. Especially when it’s your favourite band.

I conjured up the energy to go to the clinic where I found out I have a double ear infection and strep. Got my Amoxicillin, picked up soup and popsicles and went back to my bed, fired up my media player and put all three new tracks on repeat.

I will admit, this winter was rough on me and I think part of the reason why is because I stopped listening to music.

Remind me never to do that again, eh?

I am not my rosey self, left the roses on the shelf. Take the white ones they’re my favourite…

A-maz-ing!

After 4 long months without it everyone is rejoicing and basking in its warmth. I hope the rest of the country starts to see a weather shift soon. The parentals are leaving Palm Springs this week and probably going home to snow. Yuck.

Here’s a shot from my recent trip to Seattle. We shot on film, and I’m still awaiting some of the scans. This is an edit I did, the original photo was taken on a Fuji 210 Instax. I’m learning to like that camera a little more with each use.

Those that said I’d be back. 

Those that said I’d miss the words and the connections made here. 

I bow down to you. 

Although I’ve been singing the praises of Tumblr for well over a year now, I must admit, it’s just not doing it for me anymore. The few friendships I’ve managed to cultivate through that site (with the exception of one), have managed to crash and burn and I’ve found it to be an even more transient place then the blogsphere. 

I’ve been pondering why that is. 

I think it has to do with the narrow subject matter of my Tumblr, and how I’m not always writing about everything in my life, which is what I’ve been doing here since 2005. At first it was freeing, having an space where people really didn’t know me. It met the anonymity I had been craving. Yet, as time passed, I started to miss the interactions of this space. I’ve always said a blog comes alive in the comment section. That’s how I’ve gotten to know so many of you. 

Now I know there are so few of you left, the comments almost as sparse as my posts, so what will come of this space now? I’m not sure. But I’m still intrigued to find out. 

For right now, I’m getting ready for a weekend trip to Seattle. Partaking in good friends, good food and of course, good music. Look for an update on Monday.

i find her in every space, even through the physicality of this place has been completely gutted. standing in certain places in the house, thinking i’m going to see her around the corner. smoking her Virginia Slims and drinking her diet pepsi while sorting through the mail. 

yesterday, i was searching for a pair of scissors and uncovered two Polaroid cameras, and a few boxes of film. i couldn’t help but smile. before we’d leave after every visit we’d have to pose for a Polaroid. i wonder whatever happened to those. 

i’m sure they are somewhere. perhaps next to the crinolines. 

self portrait: Pasadena, march 1, 2012