I keep leaving the people I love.
Or strongly like.
Sometimes they leave me, but usually its the former.
Its the curse of the nomad, and it keeps getting harder. You’d think it would get easier. Although I guess that wouldn’t make it a curse. Right.
Even now, having moved here just two months ago, I’m contemplating my next move. Building my career. No one ever warns you its going to be so painstakingly hard. They don’t put that in the brochures. Not even in the fine print. There are times like tonight when I wish I had picked the easier route. Gone to the city everyone else did and made my life there. Been closer to my family and friends….my dog. Yet I know that’s not me. I know.
Still, it makes for a lonely life sometimes. Everyone I love spread across the globe. Technology makes it easier, mind you.
As I left the airport tonight, having dropped off The Boy (this goodbye easier than the last) I was pondering the recent goodbyes I’ve had and the one that sticks out in my mind the most is when I left Newcastle.
It was a gorgeous August evening. I had gone out for a drink at my favourite pub with a good friend. I was trying to commit everything to memory that night. The sound my boots made on the cobblestones, the smell of the fry truck at Monument, the Batman graffiti under the bridge, even the sound of the sirens. Afterward we stood on the stoop of my flat, trying hard to hold back tears and well, that just wasn’t working. The floodgates opened and I’ll never forget the feeling of my heart breaking. When you hear the words ‘heart break’ your mind kind of automatically goes to thinking about something romantical, but no, there are many breaks without romantics involved, and this was one of them. It was a combination of saying goodbye to a friend, but also to the city I had grown to love so dearly. Yes, I left my heart in the North. After I waved my friend, I went back inside to get my bags. My phone lit up with a text – “I’ll miss you most of all.”
In this day an age, texts, emails, etc are in such abundance we take them granted and sometimes they loose meaning because of this. That one, I will never forget though, as silly as it might sound. It’s like a letter, I’d slip in my top drawer. A reminder, in case I forget…
It’s never goodbye, but I’ll see you soon.